Can you tie your shoes with one hand?

Yes I can. :) I taught myself when I was 4 years old. I was/am determined.     

 

Since Hand Camp life has been pretty different. In the sense of feeling "normal" so to speak. If you known me you know what I mean. I came back with a different view on life and self. You see I found my happy place my second home. A place where I can just be me and not have to deal with people staring or just feeling uncomfortable around me. For once in my life I felt like I belonged if you know what I mean. Now I'm less bothered about the glares and stares I still get when I'm out and about. I'm more open when asked questions. I would answer them quickly and hope they would move on before this experience. But now I like answering their questions. It fascinates me now in a different way. I guess I have been so caught up in feeling judged and pretty much judging myself that I didn't grasp how uniquely made I really am. Just being able to take a weekend away from life its self was an eye opener for me. When I came back I shared stuff with some of the people in my life that I would have never shared if i never had went to this camp. My Family Pal and her family had a lot to do with it too. I love that little one so much. I am truly grateful to have been paired with them. Her parents rock! They were extremely helpful in the sense of me seeing life through their eyes and how they view things. Thats when I truly started seeing myself in a different way.

This picture was one of the last of us taken together. I Love Love Love it because It shows the confidence and strength I was lacking before I found this place. Now I don't try to pick the other side anymore. 

Realizing I haven’t posted in a long time. Let’s just say life happened. :)  This past weekend was a life changer for me. I went to a camp that is for people like me. Well I should say I volunteered there. It was literally the very first time as an adult. I felt at ease and genuinely accepted. You see through out my life I dealt with the stares negative comments  and glazers. Most of the time I don’t pay no mind to it. But other times it really gets to me. It was so refreshing to actually not have to deal with it and be free for the weekend. It really helped me in so many ways! That place will forever me my home and safe place. It was really special because I was a family pal to a family that was there for the first time too. So we pretty much got to experience our first time there together. Their 5 year old actually challenged me to do the ropes. That thing is like 50ft high. 😬 I’ve never done something like that. Let alone trust someone with my life when I was ready to come down.

Got to go but I’ll leave you with that for now. 😊

So on 6/29 about 13 1/2 months after the accident. I got on the bike. I been wanting to do it for a few months now. But stuff always came up or it just wasn't the time. It was amazing. At first I wasn't going to go to far cause I wasn't sure if I was really ready. Once I got going that was it. It felt so good to be riding again. It was really refreshing and a huge stress reliever for me. Still no memories of that day of the accident though. I'm starting to let that go cause I might not ever know the actual events that took place that day. 

Faith of a Child

So about a few weeks ago I had a conversation with a 5 year old. He out of the blue brought it up. It went something like this:

"You know if you plant a seed in your blood where you have no arm at. You can grow a arm there. All you have to do is put the seed there in your blood and it will grow."

Talk about faith uh. When he was telling me this it reminded me of how we as adults need to have more faith. Just like a child has. 

So much on my mind when I'm suppose to be sleeping.  It's probably going to be lots of coffee day tomorrow. :) but any way. So as you know from my other post. I finally got the arm brace I needed last Friday.. I'm learning to like it. I say learning because well I'm being tought a lesson with it. God is definitely taking the verse "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." (‭Philippians‬ ‭4‬:‭13‬ NASB) to a whole new level with me. You see the brace I have to wear is big it goes from the top of my arm to my wrist. It has three straps that need to be wrapped around my arm several times. Then Velcro them so they stay in place.  As well as be tight. I truly thought it would be impossible for me to put it on by myself. Well guess what!! It's not impossible!!  Pictures of the brace will be up when I get a chance to load them. It was very hard to get it on at first. But with patience and His help its possible. :)

Me

Okay so I was at an appointment when someone said this to me. "Oh I'm so sorry. I didn't know you were hurt. Or else I would of helped you out." (She realized I only had one arm)

Its just funny to me to get different reactions from different people. When they realize I only got one arm.

Me

 UPDATED AT THE BOTTOM...

         If you know me you would know that I would refuse to use the words I can't. Unless I tried my best at doing something but still couldn't do it. Even then I can be stubborn and not ask for help. Well an accident happened to me last week 5/18/14 which required me to use those words a lot. You see I don't know what happened first hand.  All I remember is being at home that day then waking up thinking I was dreaming of being in the ER. In a lot of pain and saying my wrist my wrist it hurts. As well as saying my head. I was on those wooden boards they use with a neck brace. I truly thought I was dreaming. As I was coming out of it I vaguely remember the cop asking to take pictures and doctors near me trying to figure out what happened. Every time they asked my answer would be the same. I don't know.

          So what they are saying happened was someone found me by my bike and called 911. I was wearing a helmet. I was unresponsive the whole time until I was in the er. I don't know how long I was unresponsive in the ER as well. I'm still trying to make sense of it all. So please bare with me.  They even cut my tops off. I had a long sleeve shirt on with my biking shirt. I guess it was pretty cold out that day. I don't even remember getting ready either. I don't know when they did that cause I was already in a hospital gown when I was coming to reality (so to speak). They also already had an IV hooked up to my arm. As well as my wrist secured with a little board thing and gauze wrapped around it. To keep it immobile. They kept me in the hospital for almost four days. 

          Some lessons I learned while there and still learning during this healing process. So a few weeks ago I bought 2 biking shirts that I normally won't buy because they are pricey. One had sleeves and one was sleeveless. Before the accident I was thinking more towards taking the sleeveless one back. Just because I kept thinking ah I'll never really wear it out in public. It was more for my comfort zone so to speak. I just didn't want to deal with other peoples reactions and stares more then I need to. I really don't like to be the center of attention. So while in the hospital all those feelings went out the window. People saw everything. I needed help with everything because my hand and wrist was not in good shape. As they saw I didn't feel the way I would if I were in public. I was actually content and was like well it is what it is. I was at peace. He made me the way I am for a reason. During that stay in the hospital for almost 4 days. He was teaching me that it was me making a big deal about looking for people's reactions. Searching their faces to see how they would react. Most of the time it wasn't a good reaction. :( I hated it but getting better with all the staring. It would drive me nuts. I think I would rather have them ask questions then just stare at me weird. But back to what was being typed. I'm not on this earth to please man but to glorify God and to fulfill His purpose He has for my life. 

          The second lesson was my plans vs His plans. My plan was to drive 14 hours to a friends house to spend the week with them. I was going to do it during the day so no night driving will be required while I was heading that way. As time got closer some family and friends were getting nervous and worried about me. Of course me being me reassured them that I'll be okay.....that didn't work. I did start looking into other ways of getting there just to compare pricing and to easy their minds. In my head though I was set on driving. One of my friends even offered to get me a plane ticket to go out there. But I was pretty much stubborn (in a nice way) cause I was so sure I'll be driving. I was looking forward to it. I had remade my playlist so it will play for 14 hours without me needing to mess with it. I even got multiple maps and directions just in case my gps died. So after the hospital stay and few days off. I decided to go help one of my friends because I needed to get out and I truly missed them. I was not cleared to drive by the doctor and my mom due to my wrist and hand so she drove me. I am grateful she made that call. I'll tell you why in a little bit. So fast forward to later that day. We were outside and I was called in. I was told that they truly want to use their miles on my plane tickets. I couldn't refuse anymore. :) There are no words that I can use to say how grateful and blessed I am to have them in my life. 

          I then decide that I'll just rent a car while I'm at my friends house for that week. So I booked it. Little did I know God had other plans for that as well. I got a call from my friend after I booked it. When I mentioned that I'll be renting a car when I get off the plane that day. She pretty much told me I don't need to do that they wanted to pick me up. Then the next day since the little one had so much changing in his life that week. Like school ending, me leaving for a week, me getting hurt and my mom driving us. He was very nice about it and asked me if I can drive. I was still in pain and probably should not have but he is a very laid back kid. So when he was voicing what he truly wanted I decided to try for him. Now that made his day! The next day felt like day one all over again. My mom had to do everything for me again. If I had a chance to do it over again I will choose to drive again because at that time that's what the little one needed. All in all driving was not the plan.. My uncle ended up picking me up.. So that was a bonus. I haven't seen him in awhile and I spent the day with him and the family. 

          So I still don't know what truly happened that day only what they are telling me. I recently started using this app called mapmyride. As I was in the hospital I went to the app because I use it every time I ride my bike. It was also driving me bananas not knowing what happened. Well according to that app I was on a bike ride for 47 or so minutes and I rode almost 9 miles. It would not let me see where though. I think I was probably out seeing if I can ride that long because my dad's home church was about 9 miles from my place. On a Sunday they were having a bike to church event. So I'm assuming I wanted to see if I would be able to do it. When I got on the computer it did show me where I was and how fast I was going. No memories though. I even went to the maps on google to see if I can see the location and have a memory. I got no where with that.. :( oh well 

          On 6/2/14 I had a follow-up appointment. So come to find out it probably was not a sprain after all. The doctor is now saying it may have been a small fracture that turned into callus. I was a little frustrated when he told me that. Mainly because there was some talk (while I was hospitalized)  about putting a cast on my hand/wrist but he really did not want to do that. I believe its more because I have one then because I didn't need one.  So needless to say the doctor said I need to hold off on driving. He is also going to send me to a specialist to see if it will be wise to get another X-ray done to see why my forearm and wrist is still in pain. I am very grateful its not broken though. Got another follow-up in a few weeks. Hopefully by then I'll be able to get back on the bike. As well as drive.



To be Continued……


Update: 

So from the MRI there was a small fracture in my wrist.. :( I was given a splint to wear 24/7. It helped most of the time.

      So its been almost 6 months after the accident. I still don't remember anything from that day. I'm happy to say that my wrist is much better. Still healing and some pain but better. I am currently waiting for insurance to approve the arm splint i need to wear at night. As soon as thats done I would need to wear it every night for about 4-6 weeks. Just to see if that will help with the numbness and tingling i been getting in my fingers. If that doesn't work they are going to do surgery to fix the problem.

Yesterday I was finally approved for the brace for my arm. So far I hate it. Not because I have to wear it but because it is so hard to put on properly on my own. :( I'm hoping it will work so I won't need surgery.

Me

The Accident and Aftermath

If you know me you would know that I would refuse to use the words I can't. Unless I tried my best at doing something but still couldn't do it. Well an accident happened to me last week 5/15/14 which required me to use those words a lot. You see I don't know what happened first hand.  All I remember is being at home that day then waking up in the ER. In a lot of pain and saying my wrist my wrist it hurts. As well as saying my head. I was on those wooden boards they use with a neck brace. I truly thought I was dreaming. As I was coming out of it I vaguely remember the cop asking to take pictures and doctors near me trying to figure out what happened. Every time they asked my answer would be the same. 

So what they are saying happened was someone found me by my bike and called 911. I was wearing a helmet. I was unresponsive the whole time until I was in the er. I don't know how long I was unresponsive in the ER as well. I'm still trying to make sense of it all. So please bare with me.  They even cut my tops off. I had a long sleeve shirt on with my biking shirt. I guess it was pretty cold out that day. I don't even remember getting ready either. I don't know when they did that cause I was already in a hospital gown when I was coming to reality (so to speak). They also already had an IV hooked up to my arm. As well as my wrist secured with a lil board thing and gauze wrapped around it. To keep it immobile. They kept me in the hospital for almost four days. 

Some lessons I learned while there and still learning during this healing process. So a few weeks ago I bought 2 biking shirts that I normally won't buy because they are pricey. One had sleeves and one was sleeveless. Before the accident I was thinking more towards taking the sleeveless one back. Just because I kept thinking ah I'll never really wear it out in public. It was more for my comfort zone so to speak. I just didn't want to tell with other peoples reactions and stares more then I need to. I really don't like to be the center of attention. So while in the hospital all those feeling went out the window. People saw everything. I needed help with everything because my hand and wrist was not in good shape. As they saw I didn't feel the was I would if I were in public. I was actually content and was like well it is what it is. He made me the way I am for a reason. During that stay in the hospital for almost 4 days. He was teaching me that it was me making a big deal about looking for people's reactions. Searching their faces to see how they would react. Most of the time it wasn't a good reaction. :( I hated but getting better with all the staring. It would drive me nuts. I think I would rather have them ask questions then just stare at me weird. But back to what was being typed. I'm not on this earth to please man but to glorify God and to fulfill His purpose He has for my life. 

The second lesson was my plans vs His plans. My plan was to drive 14 hours to a friends house to spend the week with them. I was going to do it during the day so no night driving will be required while I was heading that way. As time got closer some family and friends were getting nervous and worried about me. Of course me being me reassured them that I'll be okay.....that didn't work. I did start looking into other ways of getting there just to compare pricing and to easy their minds. In my head though I was set on driving. One of my families I help out even offered to get me a plane ticket to go out there. But I was pretty much stubborn (in a nice way) cause I was so sure I'll be driving. I was looking toward to it. I had remade my playlist so it will play for 14 hours with out me needing to mess with it. I even got multiple maps and directions just in case my gps died. So after the hospital stay and few days off. I decided to go help one of my families out like I normally do because I needed to get out and I truly missed them. I was not cleared to drive by my mom due to my wrist and hand so she drove me. I am grateful she made that call. I'll tell you why in a little bit. So fast forward to later that day. The kids and I were outside and I was called in. I was told that they truly want to use their miles on my plane ticket. I couldn't refuse anymore. :) There are no words that I can use to say how grateful and blessed I am to have them in my life. They ARE my second family.

I then decide that I'll just rent a car while I'm at my friends house for that week. So I booked it. Little did I know God had other plans for that as well. I got a call from my friend after I booked it. When I mentioned that I'll be renting a car when I get off the plane that day. She pretty much told me I don't need to do that they wanted to pick me up. Then the next day since the little one had so much changing in his life that week. Like school ending, me leaving for a week, me getting hurt and my mom driving us. He was very nice about it and asked me if I can drive. I was still in pain and probably should not have but he is a very laid back kid. So when he was voicing what he truly wanted I decided to try for him. Now that made his day! The next day felt like day one all over again. My mom had to do everything for me again. If I had a chance to do it over again I will choose to drive again because at that time that's what the little one needed. All in all driving was not the plan.. My uncle ended up picking me up.. So that was a bonus. I haven't seen him in awhile and I spent the day with him and the family. 

So I still don't know what truly happened that day only what their telling me. I recently started using this app called mapmyride. As I was in the hospital I went to the app because I use it every time I workout. Well according to that app I was on a bike ride for 47 or so minutes and I rode almost 9 miles. It would not let me see where though. I think I was probably out seeing if I can ride that long because my dad's home church was about 9 miles from my place. On a Sunday they were having a bike to church event. So I'm assuming I wanted to see if I would be able to do it. When I got on the computer it did show me where I was and how fast I was going. No memories though. I even when to the maps on google to see if I can see the location and have a memory. I got no where with that.. :( oh well 

On 6/2/14 I had a follow-up appointment. So come to find out it probably was not a sprain after all. The doctor is now saying it may have been a small fracture that turned into callus. So needless to say the doctor said I need to hold off on driving. He is also going to send me to a specialist to see if it will be wise to get another X-ray done to see why my forearm and wrist is still in pain. I am very grateful its not broken though. Got another follow-up in a few weeks. Hopefully by then I'll be able to get back on the bike. As well as drive.



~Me

Aww yes that did happen……….

Yes its been awhile since the last post. So sorry about that. I'm usually in bed by the time stuff comes to mind to blog about. I'm just to tired to actually get up and get it done. I always think aww I'll just do it in the morning. Well as you can tell I don't cause I always forget what it was.

So a few days ago I went into a shop to buy something small and portable. As I was there I asked if they had anything I can use that I can carry with me and use it when I needed it. Well the sales rep. (I know he meant well) was like (long convo short) they all require two hands to be used. He never took me over to see them. He just assumed I would not be able to use that product. Then he went on to say how he knows two other people like me. Which is way more then I know in person. My thing is if he sees what they can do and how creative they can get at times. Why couldn't he just show me the products and let me decide for myself if I can or can't use them. Needless to say I left without it.

It got me thinking though how many things in this world "requires" two hands but I still do it with one. For a few examples put my hair in a ponytail, change a kids diaper, buttons, shoe laces and zippers. It also got me thinking how I view that as a challenge so to speak. You see when someone tells me I'm unable to do something just because I have one hand. I will go above and beyond to prove them wrong. Yes it may not have been done the way its "suppose" to get done but it did.

On the positive side of that. One of the other employees told me they can do some custom work if I was interested. I love how God puts people in my life when He knows what my hearts desires are but sometimes to shy to speak up. I been wanting to see if they did that but never had the "chance" to ask. So He proved a way for my question to be answered. :) Love when He does stuff like that.


Philippians 4:13
I can do all this through him who gives me strength.


That verse ALWAYS pops in my head when things like that happens. 

Has there been a time in your life where someone would ask everybody to clap their hands and you couldn't? 

Oh my goodness YES!! Basically every week. Sometimes it's awkward being the only one not clapping. Not because I can't but because some people don't really know that I truly can't. So I assume the worst in what they are thinking. I know I shouldn't assume but I do. Then again it's an opportunity to share my story if they would ask. :) There are times where I wish I could clap but He reminds me that just because I can't really "clap" He provides other ways to do so. It may not be the same but hey He always provides a way. 

If you have any questions but are shy to post it on this blog click on the link below and ask away. :) 

ask.fm/lifewith1arm

Is it hard for you to ask for help?

Well it depends. I have my good days and my bad days. For the longest time I found it to be very hard for me to ask for help. Mainly because I wanted to prove people wrong and show them that I can do it all by myself. Through most of my life I learned things on my own that seem impossible to do. At times I would get frustrated when I couldn't do it the first few times. But as time passed I would eventually learn how to do it. It may not get done the way others would get it done but it did. It was just done a different way. My way so to speak. 

Now the last few months He (meaning God) has been teaching me that its OKAY to ask for help once in awhile. Or let others help when they offer. He is also teaching me to let the pride go and be humble. To be honest I was like I don't have pride I can do it myself.  Which was the pride in me talking.  Its not about if I can or can't do something on my own. Its about letting others in to help and get things done as a team. 

So all in all its getting easier to ask for help when I really need it. There is still A LOT of work to be done with me to completely get better at letting/asking others for help.  

~Me

If people with one arm go to get their nails done, do they pay half price?

Well in the beginning I use to pay full price. Then I got smart and just asked them how much it will cost to get just one hand done. Yes they will look all confused at first but realize that I am serious. They said yes. Although some other places will try to rip you off and charge you 75-90%. So before I ask I look at how much the full set is. If they try to say a higher price then half I ask them why because I'm only getting one hand done. If other places say no I say ok thank you and walk out.

Its not that I'm being cheap. I just don't see why I should pay full price if i'm only getting half done.  Just saying….. :)

Till next time 

~Me

My long time fear may be coming true?????

So I recently went on a field trip with a family member and their class. I wasn't really thinking about all the curious little ones questions. By all means I knew that they will ask but boy was it a bit overwhelming. Don't get me wrong I prefer them to ask. I just wasn't expecting them to run up to me as soon as I entered the class room. I guess I wasn't really prepared for it because I was just excited to join them.

So with a smile on my face I answered their questions. None of them seemed to be bothered by it. They were just curious and wondering why and how it can be. After they asked me they would run up to my family member and ask them. I guess they thought I was joking and was trying to play a trick on them? So we got our little group together and headed out. I was lucky and got a pretty nice set of kids.

One of my fears of when I have my future kids when I grow up is that they will get teased because of me. It makes me really sad to know that it can and probably will happen. I can tell that my family member was a little annoyed with all the questions but they stood calm and just told them what I always tell that family member.  Now I fear that the "wild" bunch in that family members class will tease my family member. The reason I say this was because on our walk back to the school they (the "wild" ones) were pretty much making fun of me behind us. Im not sure how much my family member heard but I pray they didn't hear any of it. I'm okay with them teasing me because its pretty much been apart of what people do my whole life. I have come to deal with it. I just don't like it that they will start teasing the family member though. That family member absolutely does not deserve that kind of treatment. I'm stuck at how to handle this situation because Its never really happened to us before. :(

Any suggestions? ideas? feel free to leave in comment cause I'm lost lol.

Til next time

Me

It's OFFICIAL!!!!!!!!!!!! Finally.

So after more then 8 months of waiting it finally happened like over a week ago. I no longer need to either pay a monthly parking fee or spend more then 2 hours looking for parking anymore!! I had no idea that i can actually get these until I talked to my neighbor. So I took the chance to see if I can and they approved!!!! Now I may start to like shopping for more then a few items at a time and actually not dread getting them from the car to the house. You see I don't mind parking far until I got stuff to carry. There is only so much I can carry.  

So tonight I officially experienced my first ever having to call 311 on somebody. :( It was really hard for me to do it because I dont like to get people in trouble but I had no choice. Someone parked in that spot.  I knew the day was coming that someone will park there and not care if they'll get a ticket or not but I didn't think it will happen during the night. Well that is all for now til next time.....

It was brought to my attention by multiple people. That you were unable to post any comments on my posts. Good news I think I have fixed the problem!! Yay. Feel free to leave your comments, questions and suggestions if any. If it still doesn't work please let me know so we can find a way to fix it. Have a great week!!

Now I will look forward to doing that instead of dreading it. :)

        Who ever created that ^^^ is a genius!! I been looking for something like that for a long time. I love to blow dry my hair but rarely do it because its actually kind of hard to do. It is a lot of work and time consuming with one arm.  Needless to say that will be on my list of things to by in the near future...

P.S. If you have any questions you will like to ask please feel free to ask and I will answer them. NO answer is dumb or embarrassing to ask. I love to answer your questions. If you want ask them anonymously free to. you can either email them or comment your questions on this blog. :)

Many years ago a friend and I were out and about. As she was driving she ended up getting pulled over by the police. When they were done and we went about our business we started to talk. I'm not sure it might have been me or it was her but some questions came up in the conversation. They was "what would you do if your friend was involved in a police chase with you in the car and the police said put both hands out the window? How would you do that? would they shoot at you thinking you had a gun in your other hand?" First I'll probably be freaking out. Second I have no idea how that will go down. I would either try and tell them I only got one arm or I'm going to get shot at and if I die my family will sue them. I hope that situation will never happen but if it does what is there to do but put out the only one I got and keep shouting out the window I only got one arm? 

So its been awhile since the last blog. All is well here just a little crazy and busy. Plus I kept going back and forth on what topic to write about. It was between answering a question someone asked me or something I go through each and everyday.

   With that said lets get started:

"What is the very hardest thing you had to go through in your life?" ~Person A

Well this question is/was really hard for me to answer which is why it has taken me so long to answer. You see I have to many things to choose from and some of them I'm still going through. I guess some for me is or will be a daily struggle.

So as I was heading home tonight I had a chance to think about that question while on the train. It was a battle between dealing with daily glares and stares or fully and completely accepting who I am physically. I'm going to go with option #2 because option #1 still bothers me from time to time.


Today as I was getting ready My niece was following me around. She hasn't really seen me in a tank only (of course I had pants on) and with my hair up. So she was curious. She wasn't scared or anything just accepting. She would ask questions or just want to touch (which she did). She was totally fine and not freaked out or anything unlike some other family members. Which I won't give names.  Which I'm getting use too.

It just got me thinking what if EVERYBODY had faith like a child or should I say sometimes think like a child in terms of accepting others for who they are. Even if they never seen different in their lives. Even if they enter unfamiliar areas or don't know what they are seeing. I think thats why I LOVE working with kids so much. For they love NO MATTER what. They don't care about how you look. If you love them and treat them well they will love you back.

As Im writing this I'm starting to realize that maybe just maybe God has placed the desire to work with kids in me to help me accept my physical self. It has taken me 90% of my life to fully accept it and truly rely on Him.

I am okay if people don't accept me because they don't see people like me on a daily basis. Or never ever seen someone like me. It can be Uncomfortable because you don't really know what to say or do or even know how to go about starting a conversation. I truly do understand that for I feel the same way when I'm around "different" people sometimes. Its an unfamiliar area and its got to take you out of your comfort zone. I get it. But It just takes going out of your comfort zone and getting to know that person to realize they are just like you and go through the same struggles/ issues you do they just look different.


Thats it for now got to get up early :)